In Defense of the Stay-at-home-Mom

"Democratic pundit Hilary Rosen, a political consultant who advises the Democratic National Committee, said on CNN Wednesday night that Ann Romney 'never worked a day in her life.'" (Washington Post, 4/12/12, Michael Katz) Ann Romney who has raised five boys who are all college graduates, gainfully employed, married fathers, "has never worked a day in her life." Wow, where to begin.


Hilary Rosen has visited the White House over 30 times and works for the DNC. She has close ties to the Democratic party but was not speaking for the DNC. To their credit, many Democrats have distanced themselves from her comments. But her attitude towards stay-at-home mothers is indicative of how many liberals view us. It is one more glaring indication of their hypocrisy and general hatred towards the principles of conservatism, especially in the realm of women. Let us remember how Sarah Palin was treated by liberal women for NOT being a stay-at-home mom. Just one small example of their blatant hypocrisy.


Ms. Rosen's comments started a firestorm. But when faced with her own stupidity and bias, she doubled down:
                "On Twitter, Rosen did not apologize, but wrote several tweets trying to explain her comments, saying her point was that Mitt Romney should stop saying on the campaign trail that Ann is his guide to the economic problems facing women because 'she doesn’t have any.'

               Rosen tweeted at Ann Romney, saying: 'I am raising children too. But most young American women HAVE to BOTH earn a living AND raise children. You know that don’t u?' Later, Rosen tweeted again at Romney: 'Please know, I admire you. But your husband shouldn’t say you are his expert on women and the economy.'" (Washington Post, 4/12/12, Philip Rucker)

On Rosen's first point, that Ann Romney doesn't have any economic problems, and therefore can't understand them, I say "Hogwash". Liberals love to attack Mitt Romney because he's rich. First of all, so what? Secondly, if it matters, he started with nothing and earned it. Isn't that the American dream? Aren't we all trying to be successful some day and have a comfortable life? Most of us won't make as much money as Romney, but that doesn't mean we can't have our own success. And so because the Romneys are wealthy NOW, we can completely dismiss any past experience they might have had when they were starting out? That silly logic is like saying my father has to die all over again every week for me to understand what it's' like to lose someone I love. My husband is successful enough that I don't have to work right now, but that doesn't mean I have forgotten the lean years. Nor does it mean I can't possibly understand the economy right now. Rosen's argument really shows envy for their wealth and disdain for Ann's choice to be home with her children.

Secondly, Rosen implies that being a stay-at-home mom is not work. She tried to soften it some, but her basic argument stands. I was in the work force for fourteen years before I became a stay-at-home mom. Let me just say that it would be much easier to be a full-time employee than a full-time mother. It is very hard work and it never ends. I don't get to punch a clock; I'm always on duty. I don't get a paycheck. I don't get a performance review or a bonus. I don't get recognition in front of my peers for my good work. I get very little adult conversation during the day and get to go out to lunch with friends next to never. And, I have never been happier. I love being home. My husband may be the CEO and bring home the paycheck, but I'm the CFO, CIO and COO. My chief responsibility however, is to my children. My husband and I brought them in to the world and I owe them my time. It is noone else's responsibility to raise them, teach them, guide them, play with them and love them. Even with all my flaws, no other person or entity can do it as well, because noone else love's my kids as much as my husband and I do. The school can't do it. Daycare can't do it. After school programs can't do it. Not even our mothers could do it (although they would be the best alternative if it was needed). My work is to raise good, productive, responsible, polite, funcitonal adults that will go out and improve the world in some way. Is there any job that is more important than that?

Now, let's be clear. I am not criticizing single mothers or women that choose to work. They have the right to make that choice and that is their business. I am blessed to be able to live the ideal and try not to ever forget that. But it is my choice to be a stay-at-home mom and it didn't just happen. I have made choices throughout my life that have helped me to be prepared to be where I am today. I have a college degree (which is not wasted on my children) and I know I'm capable to do any job for pay that I would choose to do. I am not stupid and I think I understand the economy quite well, thank you very much. It would be really nice if the liberals that scream about tolerance constantly would apply a modicum of tolerance to their conservative compatriots. Women that tear each other down for their choices are wasting time and the opportunity to help each other through what is a hard life for everyone. If Rosen has still failed to learn that money cannot make all your problems go way, then she may never. All of us have struggles and pain and injustices and hurt and death and suffering in one form or other. When we lose compassion for each other because we feel we must pigeonhole someone, we are all the lesser for it.

Finally, the idea that a stay-at-home mom cannot understand what's going on with the economy is beyond absurd. I will say up front, that it is statistically proven that married couples are more successful financially, which also allows for more moms to be at home. However, that does not translate to rich. I was home with my kids long before we could "afford it". So all of us stay-at-home moms that give up the fancy work wardrobe, going to lunch with our co-workers, the expensive haircuts, so we could afford to feed our kids, don't understand the economy? The moms that shop the ads and clip coupons and concoct twelve different ways to doctor pasta, ramen or rice to make it interesting, don't understand the economy? The moms that try to put their kids in some activities or expose them to culture or art or the outdoors don't understand the economy when they are putting $60 in the gas tank every time they fill up? We live life every day and we are not stupid because we choose to be at home with our children. We are the experts at stretching a dollar, stretching a meal and stretching ourselves to the point of breaking.

Life is about choices. Some women choose to have chidren out of wedlock, raise children on their own and are therefore required to work. That is not a punishment or a criticism, it is a consequence and a fact. It doesn't make those women better or worse than me, it makes them a recipient of the life they have chosen. I chose differently. Some women choose to have children and maintain a career and the resultant juggle and stress that follows. That is their right. I chose differently. The fact that we have different choices in the world, does not therefore automatically negate anyone's point of view. Every one of the women I described above understands the economy in their own way, and yes, that means even if they're "rich" right now.

Ann Romney is, I'm sure, imperfect like the rest of us. But rather than tearing hear down, maybe we should teach our daughters to emulate her choices, to praise her education, to honor the sacrifices she has made to be a mother. Nor should we think that motherhood is a death sentence to your brain. (Although some days it feels like it!) Raising kids is part of life, it is not all of life. There will come a day when I am an empty-nester and I have goals and dreams waiting for me to get to that place. Right now, my kids have claim on my time. It's not glamorous, but I can't think of any paycheck, award or accolade that would make me happier than having my children turn out great. That will be the ultimate payday and I will never apologize for that.